Watching Issues Take on New Faces

Another week full of learning and growth. I felt myself challenged to question my own pre-conceived notions, beliefs, and even my focus. From a powerful NY Times Columnist speaking about global women's issues to a day of PRIDE and gay rights, I found that I was hungry to learn more, hungry to understand how our world has come to be the way it is, hungry to give of myself to others. 

Nicholas Kristof, a NY Times Op-Ed Columnist and co-author of the book Half the Sky, spoke on Monday night at Meredith College here in Raleigh, where Ann is Dean of Students. She invited us to go listen to him speak. To be honest, I had no idea who Nicholas Kristof was before that night. Yet, after listening to him speak about women's oppression and struggles throughout the world, I found myself needing to read more of his writings. Kristof is an incredibly powerful writer and speaker, as he has seen so much in this world and experienced many things. Many of his words left me questioning. One thing that really struck me was when Kristof made the point the we are lucky to be Americans and that luck comes with responsibility. We have a responsibility to look not only within our borders, but also to look outside our borders to learn about social injustices and violations of human rights. We have a responsibility to learn about these issues and to share what we've learned with others. We have a responsibility to react and to work for justice and equality, for a world where everyone is granted their truly unalienable rights.

HIV/AIDS took on a new face for me on Monday night, as well. For the past two years I have said that even though AIDS is a serious issue throughout this world, especially in developing nations, it is also an issue right here in the U.S. and that is where I would focus my energies. I even remember once saying that our government needs to stop talking about AIDS in Africa and start focusing on AIDS in America - that the money needs to be kept here. Looking back now, I realize my ignorance. I do truly believe that if we can find an efficient and effective way to stop the spread of HIV here, we can find ways to adapt that method in a way that would be effective in developing nations. At one point in his talk, Kristof mentioned that in Cambodia, many girls are sold to brothels at an early age by family members, neighbors, and sometimes kidnappers. Often times, the money is used to support the growth of sons, growth that comes at the cost of selling a daughter into slavery. The statistic that hit me hardest during discussion on this topic was that young Cambodian girls sold to brothels have a 70% chance of becoming infected with HIV in the first 6 months that they are in the brothel. Not only have these girls been sold, their lives have literally been sold - sold to a tragic and often fatal virus. These girls have no say in whether or not they become infected, as their "well-being" depends on whether or not they have sex with customers. If they do not, they can be beaten and even killed. It is literally a life or death situation in those brothels - and most likely these girls will die from complications from being sex slaves. In the United States today, most people who become infected with HIV (I repeat...most) have a choice in protecting themselves from the virus. Yet, these Cambodian girls have no say in whether or not they are exposed to it. How can these girls be saved? How can their infection be prevented when it is so hard to prevent infection in the U.S., where education is much more readily accessible and resources are more easily produced?

As I spent my time this week reflecting on all I had come to question based on Kristof's talk and his writings, I met with Mr. James for a financial appointment at work. Mr. James is a wonderful old man. He is always smiling and cheerful when I see him at the pantry. Even during our appointment, when he was expressing how stressed he was because he could not pay his electric bill this month, he smiled and laughed. By the end of our appointment, we had talked very little about finances and much about important people in our lives whom we had lost. As I talked about my grandfather and my Uncle Sam, Mr. James told me about his mother. We talked about how important it is to reflect on your love for others and that we need to recognize how others shape and impact our lives. I felt a great connection to Mr. James, but I noticed that I felt this need to prove myself to him - to let him know that I, too, had been through hardships. It was during our time together that I realized how much I am struggling to accept the fact that I come from privilege, as I am constantly trying to prove to my client's that I am not some ignorant little white girl. And though I do not believe I am ignorant, it is not fair to my clients for me to believe that I know what they are going through, that I have any idea how hard some days can be for them as they live in poverty and with a virus running through their body that could, if not treated properly, lead to death. I do not have first hand experience living in poverty, struggling from month to month. I have never lived with HIV or any other chronic/terminal illness that needs to be cared for each and every day. I do not come from the world that most of my clients come from. I don't have to create a false image of myself to make clients believe that I know what they mean, that I know what they are going through, because, in reality, I have no idea. I can prove myself to them by caring about them, by helping them, by listening to them, by showing my compassion. I'm glad I'm noticing this now so that I can live a little differently each day.

Friday and Saturday were such fun, even though they were both spent primarily at work. On Friday, Under One Roof (where I work) had our Grand Re-Opening. The agency moved to the current location a few months ago and things just slowed down enough to celebrate! It was mostly an open house for our clients, staff at our other offices, and donors. We had stations set up that told everyone about the services we offer. We had speakers, free food, and door prizes. One of our clients, Randie, is a great singer and entertainer and performed for us that afternoon. This was the most moving part of the day for me. As Randie performed is songs - one called "Your Destiny is Calling" and also Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" which he dedicated to our staff - everyone was dancing and clapping, truly enjoying themselves. For those 20 minutes, everyone had a chance to step away from the stress of every day life living with HIV. They all came together in a beautiful brother-and-sisterhood of compassion. In those moments, I really felt like client services was where my heart lies, in making a clear difference in the lives of individuals each day.

But, my heart is in conflict, as I fell in love with prevention all over again on Saturday at North Carolina PRIDE Day. It was my first gay PRIDE day ever, and man was it an experience! The AAS-C prevention team is so energetic and exciting. They live to save lives. Most of the morning, my colleague Charla and I went around on foot and on a golf cart creaming out "Free HIV and syphilis testing at the Alliance booth!!" I had so much fun doing that. As I saw all of the people come up to the table - young and old; black and white; gay, lesbian, and straight; those living with HIV and those unaware of its dangers - I felt my heart actually skip beats. To know that I was making a difference in the world by working to stop the spread of this virus is what makes me wake up in the morning. But working with my clients also does that. I find myself in a conflict as I work to figure out what I am called to do in this life.

NC PRIDE Day was such a great time. I got to ride on the AAS-C float in the parade, a really exciting experience. I loved being able to see the love and appreciation throughout the crowd. There was definitely a strong sense of pride throughout. Of course, there were protesters on one corner of the parade route, holding up signs with Bible scriptures on them. When we rode by, JohnPaul, our executive director, said, "God loves you, too," and we all waved with great pride. Right in front of the protesters were supporters with their own signs. I was so struck by the feeling of community that spread across this large group of people - people who didn't even know each other. I saw great happiness as people were able to stand up and say, "This is who we are. Thank you for accepting us." It was beautiful.

Each day I am faced with new challenges and new questions. Even though these may not be easy to answer, I find that I am able to look at the lives of others to find evidence that points me in the right direction. This experience is truly an amazing thing, and I am so thankful to be a Jesuit Volunteer.