True Joy

My apologies for missing a week here, but things have been much busier than usual. Even the past two weekends have left very little room for free time. I am not complaining about this, as I have loved every minute of everything I've done on the weekends. Each activity, each person we've met with, each hour spent at work, has been enriching and has opened my eyes to something new - whether it be an issue I've never thought about, a person's point of view that I'd never considered, or a faith that I'd never explored. I hope that through this post, I am able to make you think a little deeper, intrigue you with a new thought, and maybe even cause you to look more closely at your everyday activities and interactions.

With each day, I am learning what makes me smile, what makes my heart beat a little faster, and what makes me want to get up in the morning. I am finding out, though slowly, what it is that I am truly in love with, what my deepest passion really is. In a couple of weeks, a group of about 15 high school students is coming to volunteer at Under One Roof for the day, probably helping to reorganize the pantry and the clothes closet, as well as decorating the client room. As part of their community volunteer day program, a representative from the agency with which they will be volunteering goes in to the class to talk to them about what the agency does and why. Because this particular group will be working directly with me, I had the chance to talk to the students for an hour. Their teacher told me he was completely flexible on what I talked to them about so I split it up a bit, talking about the basic facts about HIV/AIDS, what we do at AAS-C, and why are services are important not only to our clients but also in order to help bring an end to the epidemic. I went into the talk feeling pretty nervous, even though most of what I had to say I know so well and have talked to so many others about. But I kept remembering that I have never really talked to high school students - mostly just college friends and older. I was pretty surprised with how things went. The students were very responsive, trying to answer questions and show what they know. They also had great questions to ask and weren't embarrassed to say things like "vaginal sex" or "semen." While I was explaining the services that we offer to clients as AAS-C, I could tell that they did not fully understand why we provide our clients with services that are not strictly medical. They were struggling to grasp why it is necessary to assist our clients financially with housing, food, transportation, etc. These students helped me to realize that prevention education is not only about teach others how to protect themselves. It is also about reducing stigma and helping others to understand that HIV is about much more than just the medical side of things. Talking to these students really brought out the best in me and helped to amplify my passion even more.

My favorite moment of the week came on Wednesday. For the past three weeks or so, my friendships with my volunteers have developed into something special. I check in with them once a week (aside from when they come in on Wednesdays) and I feel for them when things don't go according to plan. They are wonderful gentlemen who look out for me in return, making sure no clients take advantage of me or even just spending time educating me about the south - something I think they've taken on as a hobby. The past couple of weeks have been difficult for Gary and Dwayne for a number of reasons, many of which they haven't shared with me. I have known that something isn't right and rather than probing to find out what is going on, I call them on Tuesdays to let them know I'm thinking about them and that I hope I'll see them the following day. This Wednesday, before they left the office for the day, Dwayne told me how much they truly appreciate me calling them because it lets know that I care, that they are needed, and that they are appreciated. Both he and Gary gave me big hugs and then said three little worlds that melted my heart: We love you. Tears came to my eyes, and each time I recount this story, those tears return. It became so clear to me in that moment that not only do I mean something to them and do they care about me, but I know that I am making a difference in their lives somehow. In such a short time, I have been touched so strongly by these two wonderful men. The craziest thing is, I still have so much to learn from both of them.

Works of HeART, our agency's major fundraiser, took place this weekend. It is a weekend of art with both silent and live auctions. All of the AAS-C staff had to help set up on Friday during the day to get everything ready, including the art hung up on standing panels and numbered correctly. Somehow, I had a lot of fun doing this. I had the chance to spend time with staff members at our other offices who I either haven't met or have only spent a little bit of time with. I also got to check out some cool art and realize a bit more fully that I have very little appreciation for art. (I thought a painting about the Serengetti was three meatballs on forks.) On Saturday night, I got to get all dressed up in my semi-formal attire and go to the auction. I wasn't sure if I'd be put to work when I got there, and as I was getting ready to leave, Camille said, "Just the girl I was looking for. Mike and Mark are waiting for you in the auditorium." As I walked into the auditorium where the live auction would be held sometime later, I was told that I would be a spotter for the evening. For those of you who have never been to an auction, especially an auction that is a fundraiser, the spotters are not only responsible for making sure the correct bidder number is written down for each piece. We practically have to harass the bidders so as to encourage them to bid more often times by reminding them about the cause and how much their money will help the agency and our clients. Now, just imagine me in my pretty dress running up and down the aisles clapping obnoxiously and yelling "Come on!! One more time!!" So. much. fun!!! I was totally in my element. haha

And then there was today. Ms. Carolyn (our Director of Faith Ministries at AAS-C) and I met at Christian Faith Baptist Church to set up a table at their health fair and to collect food from the food drive they had for our pantry. Carolyn asked me to join her for worship before the health fair, so I attended my very first Baptist service. I knew that it would be unlike any Catholic mass I'd ever been to, and I was very excited to see something different. I could write about this for many pages, so I'll just hit you with the most striking observation. Joy is an interesting thing; it is more than happiness; it is fulfilling. Throughout the two-hour service, I saw pure joy in each of the individuals gathered at the church. I saw it in the music, as everyone swayed side to side singing their hearts out with such energy and passion. I saw it during the greeting when individuals actually walked around the entire church to say good morning to friends, family, and strangers. It was joy like I'd never seen before. The joy became even stronger throughout the service when people felt moved by the Spirit of simply by the word. It became so clear to me that the joy that I saw today came from many people who struggle daily. To know that one can suffer and still show such joy in proclaiming Jesus as their savior really touches my soul and encourages me to look more closely at my own faith, how I approach my spirituality and my relationship with God, and my approach to mass on Sundays. Joy is a beautiful thing. I feel joy when I play soccer. I am filled with joy when I know I have made a difference. Never, though, have I thought about how my spirituality and faith bring me joy. I am looking forward to attending many more worship services of other denominations and faiths because I believe that each has something to teach me about myself and my spirituality.

These experiences this week have really pushed me to remember that throughout my life, I must push myself to learn so that I can seek to understand. I know that there is much that I do  not know and I only hope that experiences like these will show me not only who I am and what makes me happy, but also how I can shape my life through experiences.