Giving Thanks

I still cannot believe that Thanksgiving has already come and gone. Time is flying down here in Raleigh. It's almost time for me to be back home in East Hartford for a little vacation. I never thought I'd say I'm going to East Hartford, CT for a vacation haha. 


Like every year around this time, I stop and think about all of the things that I am thankful for - like my supportive family who has never done anything but encourage me to follow my dreams and give life my all; or my wonderful friends who are always there to listen, to laugh, and to share great moments with; or the fact that I grew up in a home where we did not have to struggle to pay the bills; or even the simple things like having a place to lay my head at night, food on the table for every meal, and a warm jacket to save me from the intruding cold. I am blessed to be able to live comfortably - mentally, physically, socially, and financially. With each client I meet, I recall how blessed I am to have had the opportunity to go to a prestigious four-year university and rarely have to worry about where the money was coming from. I am so blessed to have been able to live in Italy for 4 months. The list goes on and on. What I've realized though, is that many of the things that I am thankful for are those things which my clients do not have, things that the marginalized in our society do not have. I am thankful for things that separate me from the poor, as though I am saying, "Thank you, God, for not making me poor." In the past three months, now that I have come to recognize my privilege, I have been able to face humanity head on. Rather than only discussing the previous things listed above as the things I'm thankful for, I can truthfully say I am thankful for the things that connect me to the poor, most of which I have learned from the poor and those who have dedicated their lives to working with and for them. 


Compassion is defined as "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering." I never really understood what compassion is or why it is important to the fight for social justice. I have often felt deep compassion - when tutoring children who have grown up in poverty, when working with children who are infected with HIV, or when hearing the stories of all of the wonderful people I had the chance to work with in Nashville. However, it was not until meeting many of my colleagues and getting to know them that I have come to see how essential compassion is to our work. Ms. Carolyn, our Director of Faith Ministries is a prime example of this. She's been AAS-C longer than anyone, which intimidated me a little at first. But once I realized that she would be one of my biggest allies and one of the people I admire most at work, our relationship has really blossomed. One day, Ms. Carolyn got a phone call from one of her interns saying that he'd just left one of residential units where he'd gone to see a client. The other house members told him that the client was "gone," which he came to interpret as the client had passed on (in actuality...he had moved to another state). Ms. Carolyn cried and cried when she heard the initial news. It was the first time I'd ever seen her as vulnerable. She loves her clients and she lives to fight against injustice. She is such a selfless woman. She gives all of herself to our clients, not just because she feels called by God to serve others, but because she truly feels sorrow when she looks in the faces of those most impacted by social injustice. And she wants to do everything she can to see that suffering alleviated in some way. She is easily the most compassionate woman I have ever met...and I am truly thankful and blessed to know her and admire her. She has taught me what it really means to dedicate oneself to this fight.


Love has so many definitions and with each passing day I find a new way to look at love. Clients often tell me that they love me, out of gratitude. And I know that I always tell others that I love them. It is fascinating to me, though, what love means to the marginalized of society. I have come to notice that my view of love differs drastically from theirs. Patricia came in last Monday to pick up the turkey and large box of food I had called to offer her. She was the most gracious of my clients, stunned when I called her the Friday before to offer the food to her and her two young daughters. Patricia and I have a very interesting relationship. I did her intake in September, not long after she moved here with her two young daughters from Massachusetts in order to escape her husband. She has been struggling to feel like she's found home. Each time she comes in the food pantry, she always has new stories to tell about her daughters - to the point where I feel like I've met them - and always confides in me about her struggles. After we loaded all of the food into the car, she gave me a big hug to say thank you and kept telling me how this was such a blessing to her and her family. Then she grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and told me, "I feel like I've finally found my family here. Thank you." Tears came to my eyes, and continue to come to my eyes each time I recount this story, because, in that moment, I recognized what it means to love truly and unconditionally. Patricia loves me like I am family, though we've known each other for only three months and have probably only seen each other 7 or 8 times. Love is more that passion, more than caring. It is the most powerful feeling in the world, and my clients have taught me that it is not a word that is just tossed around freely. Love is true, unconditional, nonjudgmental.


Faith, as defined by Reba, is belief in something more than what you know. Not a day goes by where I do not have doubts about God's role in this world. I see my clients struggle to keep their apartments, feed their families, and maintain a steady job. It is hard to believe that God created misery in this world, but it is also hard to believe He is not doing anything to end the suffering. My faith is brought into question everyday. yet, I meet with clients and hear them talk about their own spirituality and how it is so important to them, how they believe to strongly in Jesus and in God's work in the world. It is amazing to see people who struggle each day constantly saying that this is not what God wants nor what he intends. So many clients are preachers or avid church-goers. It baffles my mind how strong their faiths are, yet pushes me to redefine my own. I am truly grateful for such inspiration and belief.


This Thanksgiving, as much as I missed being with my family and having the chance to remind them how thankful I am for them, I have come to realize that as much as I am thankful that I grew up the way I did, I am even more grateful to have one-on-one contact with the poor and marginalized (and to have had the contact throughout my life). Each moment proves to me that God is good and has blessed us with hands to reach out with, eyes to see reality through, ears to hear the cries of the voiceless, and a heart with which we can love - truly and unconditionally. It is the stuff that ties us all together that I am most thankful for this year because these are the things that help us fight for justice and peace.


Compassion. Love. Faith.

The Path of Love

Being in Washington, DC this past weekend for the Ignatian Family Teach-In game me a lot to reflect on. What is social justice? What are human rights? Why is it that the United States, the supposed "greatest, most powerful nation in the world," seems to constantly work against social justice and the guarantee of human right to all people?I struggle with this question every day at work, in my reading, and in my thoughts. The Teach-In was a mix of emotions and the broadness of topics discussed seemed, too me, to take away from the general theme of "Remembering our Salvadoran Martyrs." The Salvadoran Jesuit martyrs, along with Archbishop Oscar Romero died fighting for social justice. They were murdered for striving to help their fellow Salvadorans understand the national reality. At first glance, I always think what is the point of working for justice, equality, and human rights when so many others strongly oppose those things which may take away from their own power and wealth or may create a change in the status quo. At first glance, I see the murders of our Salvadoran martyrs and people like Martin Luther King Jr. as a sign that wrong will always prevail; that greed always wins; that justice will never be gained, no matter how hard it is fought for.

Central America is made up of developing nations, as are Africa, the Middle East, and the South Pacific. It is a hotbed of oppression and of human rights abuses. Countries like Nicaragua and El Salvador struggled through civil wars throughout the 1980s, wars that resulted in the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent poor civilians. During this time, Americans were scared of communism but also feared another military conflict like the war in Vietnam. While the Salvadoran government was committing human rights atrocities through massacres, disappearances, and tortures, the USA was funding their military. How can so many people be blinded by the fact that funding the military meant funding the death squads and funding sever violations of human rights. The United States was so fearful of communism that they did not stop to consider that revolution is not the same as communism or that sending military aid to a country in ruin will actually fight communism. Evil prevails. Fear wins. Greed and power come out on top. Rather than striving to create a just and peaceful world, the United States sent the message that the abuse of human rights is ok and oppression is ok, so long as communism does not take over, so long as the people's voices are not heard.

Developing nations are much different than developed nations like the US, England, China, Japan, Italy, Spain, etc. The problems and issues present in developing countries, it would seem, do not exist in the great powerful countries of the world because these countries are established, civilized, and work each day to prove that democracy truly means the people have a say in how the country is run. After really thinking about this, though, it is so easy to see that this is a load of garbage; it isn't true at all. Problems of developing nations are problems everywhere - poverty, socioeconomic discrimination and exploitation, human rights violations. They can be seen every day in the United States no matter which state or region of the country you are in. We are one of the wealthiest countries in the world, yet many of our people live in poverty, and often time, there is no way out of that poverty. THose who are born into a family living in poverty will continue to live in poverty because they will be subjected to poor education and schools that have no money for resources. Without education, they will not get well-paying jobs. Race plays a role, too. Blacks are more likely to live in poverty, to be incarcerated, to become infected with HIV. Racial discrimination is a structure in our society, as are poverty and homelessness. They will never go away because they are ingrained in the history of this country. The poor will continue to be poor unless our society is turned upside down and serious changes are made. Because in the US - greed and power win and evil prevails.

Farm workers, the ones who work tirelessly to put food on our tables often times do not have the food to feed themselves or their families. They typically live in shacks, lucky if they have running water. They are treated so badly, yet they are the ones who provide for us all. And what about immigrants? Our country is a country of immigrants. It would not exist if people never moved here from all over the world. Yet, our country works against immigration; it treats immigrants like they are scum and do not deserve a chance to change their lives. We give them no rights and do not give them a chance to work towards citizenship. It is as though this country's history means nothing; like the US's foundation is meaningless. People forget that "All men were created equal" and that our founding fathers guaranteed the unalienable rights of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Those rights, instead, are completely alienable because society encourages selfishness, greed, and the desire of power. This leads to poverty and violations of human rights because people have a tendency to do whatever will get them ahead, rather than what is best for the common good. It is as though justice will never be a reality.

While in DC, walking around the monuments, reading quotes from presidents past, I was slowly reminded of those who have fought for social justice throughout time. Abraham Lincoln fought so that the slaves could be freed. FDR fought to bring an end to poverty. MLK Jr. fought for racial equality. Oscar Romero, Ignacio Ellacuria, and the other Jesuit martyrs in El Salvador fought for social justice through educating other and fighting for and with the poor. With the murders of all but FDR, it is very easy to believe that evil will always win, that social justice is an impossible goal. But it also brings about hope and faith in a better tomorrow. None of these men gave up, regardless of the consequences. They walked the path that Jesus walked. They fought for their beliefs and fought with their lives reminding themselves that God will not let evil win but wants us to find the way to peace and justice. Humankind created the mess that is this world; humankind has to find the way out of it. Social justice and peace can be attained. Evil will not always prevail. The lives of the martyrs have shown us that.

"In these days of difficulty, we Americans everywhere must and shall choose the path of social justice, the path of faith, the path of hope, and that path of love toward our fellow man." - FDR

How else are we going to pull this world out of the mess that we have created?

Releasing the Stereotypes that Live Within Us

At the age of 22, sometimes I feel like I have seen it all. Then a new situation hits me, and I realize how naive I really am, how much I have left to experience in my life, and how little I truly know. During our new staff and new volunteer training on Friday night, my naivety and ignorance shown brightly. This is that story.

Paster B, a Methodist pastor who has deep ties to AAS-C and sits on our Board of Directors, wrapped up Friday night's training with a "Diversity" session. Now, I have sat through many talks and lectures about diversity, and never once have I walked out of it appreciating diversity more or questioning my beliefs. Pastor B, however, pushed me to think more deeply about the stereotypes I have, the prejudices that immediately come to mind, and how, often times, those judgments are quickly changed once I actually meet and get to know a person. After Pastor B talked to us a little bit about what diversity means and what a stereotype is, he gave us an activity to complete called "Releasing the Stereotypes that Live Within Us." The instructions were simple: Pastor B would name a group of people and we would have to pick five words that describe the way we believe that group to be upon first encounter. For example, one of the groups he gave us was "Corporate Bank Executive," to which I responded, "arrogant, guilty, oppressive, untrustworthy, and rich." The groups we worked with were HIV+ Infants; African-American Homeless Man; Corporate Bank Executive; Muslim; Transgender Female to Male; Prostitute; Drug Addict; and Evangelical Christian. 

I struggled quite a bit through this activity, having to continuously remind myself that I wasn't supposed to choose the adjectives that I wish I felt, but rather the ones that first came to mind. So rather than choosing "oppressed, underprivileged, and mysterious" for African-American Homeless Man, I put "inferior, powerless, dirty, pushy, and emotional." After we completed the list of groups and adjectives, Pastor B asked us if anything surprised us or even made us question our own beliefs. The first thing I realized was that I put "offensive" for Drug Addict. I'd say somewhere around half of all of my clients are recovering drug addicts, and I do not find my clients to be offensive. However, the first word I thought of was "offensive." We then sat in pairs to discuss how our stereotypes stem from our personal beliefs about ourselves; how we put ourselves up on a pedestal; that we are all high and mighty; that we are "right." 

When I think about my clients and how my stereotypes and judgments have the possibility to affect their accessibility to services that can help save their lives, I realize how much I need to constantly challenge myself to push the stereotypes to the back burner. On Friday morning, I had an intake appointment with a woman in her early 40s. As we talked, I found out that she had just been released from prison less than a month ago. She had served about 5 1/2 years. I cannot sit here and tell you that this fact had no impact on me. I'm not going to lie - at first, I was really scared. Had she hurt someone? Had she stolen something? Am I in danger right now? These were my initial judgments. I didn't give her the chance to explain her past to me, or how she thought she was in a monogamous relationship before she went to prison, yet ended up being HIV+. Or how her children no longer speak to her. Or how hard life has been for her. I just immediately thought the worst because she had been in prison for 5 1/2 years. It was not until the appointment was almost over that I learned she had been charged with embezzlement and finally let my guard down. Looking back now, I know that I acted differently towards her. That is not fair. 

Relationships are the thing that I hold closest to my heart. I would not be who I am today if it weren't for people who have helped shape my life. I would not be in JVC if it weren't for relationships; if it weren't for the compassion that has developed within me; if it weren't for the love that I feel towards people; if it weren't for my faith. Pastor B's final words Friday night were: 

"Remember, all persons deserve to be included in the human tapestry of life. It's up to each of us to help one another find out place in the tapestry; to find our thread that helps weave the entire tapestry together."

We are called to embrace others, to learn from others, to appreciate others. People are more than their external appearance. Each person has a story, a story that can rock you to the core. It is important that we as people strive hard to work towards understanding others in the context of their own story - their history and experiences - not in the context of our own. Because once we try to understand someone through the context of what we along have experienced and what we alone believe, we will never work towards understanding; we will never develop a just and peaceful world. 

Think about it.