Though I worked only four days this week, thanks to the Labor Day holiday, and the week seemed to fly by, each day was truly busier than the next. Whether it was handling my own appointments, helping Miss Jeanette with paperwork, or running the pantry, I only had a chance to breathe when I went to the gym after work each day. It was the only chance for me to stop, reflect, and gather my thoughts. And geez, there were a lot of thoughts to gather this week - yet, I am only going to tell you about Friday and Saturday.
During an update and financial appointment with a client and his sister who helps care for him, I began to realize how lucky and how thankful I am to have grown up in a family that can provide for me and that has always been fully supportive of my decisions. The man that I met with Friday afternoon was diagnosed with HIV in the late 1980s and with AIDS about 6 years ago. When he was diagnosed with AIDS, his doctor told him he only had 6 months to live, yet he has lived for nearly 7, though he has struggle and suffered throughout those years. His sister quit her job 6 years ago to dedicate herself to caring for him. Let me paint a quick picture for you of the brother and sister that I met in our lobby that day. I saw an older woman who was clearly struggling financially. Next to her, I saw a younger man, whose youth was hidden behind wrinkles, dark splotches on his skin, and an oxygen tank connected by tubes to his nose. Sure, I was scared going into this appointment. This was the first time I had met someone living with AIDS who was currently struggling with his/her health. Most of the people I have worked with for the past couple of years are fairly healthy and show little sign of having any illness.
As I talked to these siblings, I became quickly aware of the love that exists between them as well as the tension that exists between a brother and a sister. Throughout the appointment, they became comfortable with me and began to share their story with me, stories that broke my heart, but at the same time gave me hope. I learned about the man's attempted suicide years ago; their parents' deaths, as well as those of their two other brothers; the alcoholism that existed in their family which both of them have conquered. I learned more about the man's illness, his bought with cancer, bronchitis, pneumonia, and nearly every kind of opportunistic infection to which one living with AIDS can be exposed. I was directly confronted with the LONG list of close to 40 medications that he must take every day, a list around which his life literally revolves. I learned about his panic attacks and anxiety, especially when no one is near him, as well as his depression; his lack of energy; the trouble he has writing because of that lack of energy; his love of the Bible; his fear of germs that stems from his fear of getting any more ill; and his sadness of not being able to go to church on Sundays because of the exposure to germs. I stopped to think about my own life and the things that I take for granted each day - my family; the ease at paying for unexpected costs; having an immune system that fights back. Why has God made me so lucky?
While others struggle each day in poverty, with illnesses, with loneliness and others are ignorant of the national and global reality, I really started to think about my faith in God. Often times I have wondered how God can exist if there is so much suffering and hatred in the world. God would not allow for these things to happen. He would not allow for something as tragic as September 11th to happen to our world. Yet, somehow, the more pain I see, the more I believe in God. It is not God who has created the pain and suffering of the world; the oppression and injustice; the lack of understanding between people, between cultures, between countries. Humankind has created these things.
I often think of a quote that Ian shared with our Nashville team during a reflection one time. It comes from the film Evan Almighty: "Let me ask you something: If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does He give them the opportunity to be patient? If someone prays for courage, does God give them courage, or does He give them the opportunities to be courageous? If someone prays for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
Nine years and one day ago, we all watched with horror and terror in our eyes as we saw the lack of understanding that exists in this world kill thousands; as we saw pure hatred take down the beautiful Twin Towers. I cannot allow myself to respond with hatred or to pray for revenge. It sickens me to know that people do. I just continue to pray for peace, for justice, for an open mind that may help lead to understanding. I believe that God will grant us these things, but they will not just magically appear. As the quote above says, God will give us the opportunities to work toward peace. If we don't acknowledge those opportunities, we close ourselves off to God. We perpetuate the issues. What if God is telling us that in order to work for peace, we must face hatred head on and battle it by taking the time to learn, to immerse ourselves in other cultures and religions? When I was in that appointment Friday, it was hard for me to understand how someone could suffer so much, yet walk away pushing forward with all that he has. My friend John always says, "Remember how you felt on September 11th. Act like you did on September 12th." God challenges us so that we can grow, that we can experience, and that we can work towards a world that is just and peaceful.
Prayer of Pope Benedict XVI during his visit to Ground Zero in 2008:
"God of peace, bring your peace to our violent world: peace in the hearts of all men and women and peace among the nations of the earth. Turn to your way of love those whose hearts and minds are consumed with hatred. God of understanding, overwhelmed by the magnitude of this tragedy, we seek your light and guidance as we confront such terrible events. Grant that those whose lives were spared may live so that the lives lost here may not have been lost in vain. Comfort and console us, strengthen us in hope, and give us the wisdom and courage to work tirelessly for a world where true peace and love reign among nations and in the hearts of all."
I ask you to please, take a minute and think about it. What can you do to work toward peace, justice, and understanding each day?
No comments:
Post a Comment