It amazes me how lives can change at Joseph's House, but I am also curious as to whether these changes will really be permanent. Is Joseph's House a place for transition or transformation, especially for those residents who become healthy enough to move out? Early last week, a resident was able to leave Joseph's House and move to a transitional housing program for men with a history of substance abuse.
When Michael* moved to Joseph's House in July, he had a history of chronic homelessness. He had been living on the streets in the same neighborhood as Joseph's House for quite some time. He has HIV and was not taking medication. He is an alcoholic and a drug-user. He told me multiple times that his addiction always won. It was all he could think about. It dictated his every move. He did not care about people, he only cared about where he would get his next fix. As part of his agreement with Joseph's House - which is a clean and dry house - Michael began attending AA/NA meetings three times a week.
I remember first meeting Michael. He was sitting in the chair in the living room, looking rather frail. I asked him how he was doing, and he told me his stomach had been really upset all day, causing him to feel incredibly weak. Later in the day, I began to hear more about his health, and found out that his HIV had almost won. He had a CD4 count of 1, meaning that for every milliliter of blood, he only had one white blood cell that would command the rest of the white blood cells to attack infections. A normal CD4 count is over 500. His immune system was far from functioning effectively. He had also just started on HIV medications that would help lower the amount of virus in his blood and allow his immune system to produce new, healthy CD4 cells.
Michael often seemed resistant to building relationships with any of the staff. He was busy dealing with his addiction, and sometimes it felt like he wanted to do it alone. Though he liked that people would travel with him to appointments or accompany him on walks around the neighborhood, he was constantly itching for his freedom. He seemed closed off, like he didn't want us around. I learned that his father had died from AIDS at Joseph's House just seven years earlier....and here he was, living in the same place as his father had lived, fighting the same health issue as his father had.
At community meetings, Michael would often tell us that it was hard for him to be at Joseph's House (especially when he felt locked down). He told us he didn't know how to love, or even what love meant. The only person he had ever told he loved was his mother...no one else. And here he was, at Joseph's House, where love is all around, and for some, may be overwhelming. He one time told Patty that it was hard for him to look at her because he saw his father...it brought back the memories of his dad's dying days in the house that he was now living in.
Michael was ready to move out of Joseph's House when the chance came. His health is much better and he has been clean and sober since July. He was ready to be independent again - or at least as independent as he could be. We were all excited to see him move on, but saddened and frightened because we did not know what would happen. During our goodbye ritual the day before he moved, each person in the community went around and said a hope that they had for him. Unfortunately, I was unable to be at work that day, but a co-worker told me the following. When it was Michael's turn to speak, he spoke profoundly about all that he had learned about love during his time at Joseph's House, and what the home and the community in that home has meant to him. Just the week before, he had stated that he didn't know how to love.
Our friend's life has been changed by Joseph's House in many ways. And while we don't know what the future will bring for him, there is so much hope in this transformation. I just pray that it is a permanent transformation....and that he will come back to visit...because we really do love him.
*Name has been changed.
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