I truly appreciate all the love, thoughts, and prayers sent my way after my last post. They were much needed. Things are still pretty tough out here. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I forget to appreciate the little things, and I bypass those "God moments". I'm slowly starting to remember to see the beauty in each moment and the blessings in each day. My clients have really brought my spirits up in the last week or two.
Over the past few months I have noticed an array of attitudes towards the services we offer at my agency. Three days a week, I run the food pantry and meet with about ten to fifteen clients a day those days (if not more). There are some clients who are always grateful for the assistance, and make sure to thank me before they leave. Even on the days when there is very little food in the pantry, they still express their gratitutde. These are the clients that make my day each and every day. They constantly remind me of why I love working with people and why it is so important for me to do what I do. I see God in each one of them as I watch our relationships grow over something as simple as sharing food. On the flip side, though, there are also clients who express a deep feeling of entitlement. If there is no fresh produce, they always make a point to remind me that there is none. When the food supply is low, they throw their arms up in the arm and growl at me. I had one client actually call me last week up in arms that there was only ground turkey in the freezer. This gets to be very frustrating, especially when I know my clients really count on us to provide them with the services they cannot get elsewhere. They often times come to the pantry so they can save the money they use at the grocery store and apply it to other bills and expenses. I also know that I work my butt off to make sure there is food in that pantry and to assure that I am doing my best to provide my clients with the services they need. This can be stressful and overwhelming, though, when that client sense of entitlement breaks through, as it often makes me feel like I am nothing more than 'the short girl behind the desk' to them. It affects me in hard ways sometimes and really challenges me to find new ways to provide services for them, while also finding ways to communicate with them that our assistance is not an unalienable right. It is something we are lucky enough to provide for them - whether it be assistance with food, prescription costs, transportation costs, or help with rent and utility bills.
This past week, I saw a combination of clients - those who are grateful and those who feel entitled. When the phone rang on Thursday morning, and I saw the phone number, I knew exactly which client was calling. This particular client expresses his love for me often and always says thank you for the littlest things - even if it just me telling him a good website to check out that talks about tenant rights. I was confused when he started yelling at me over the phone, not sure what I had done wrong. He started questioning the rules we abide by when it comes to the pantry, particularly our first come first serve policy. Then the words came out: "It is ridiculous that all of those people got to shop before me and only left me ground turkey for a meat." I took a deep breath and very sternly told him, "Kelly, listen to me for a minute. It is no one's fault that there was only ground turkey in the freezer. That is all that was available at the Food Bank. I cannot get meat besides what is at the Food Bank. Please just be grateful that there was any meat at all." After that, he backed down. He didn't apologize for blowing up, which I am ok with because he did say thank you. "Thanks for taking the time to listen, Ms. Cavaliere. I just needed to go right to the source to get the right answers. Thanks." As discourageed as I had grown in the middle of the conversation with him, by the end I realized that his own frustrations really have nothing to do with the ground turkey. I know this client so well as I have been working with him since the beginning of my time in Raleigh. Though in that moment he expressed some feeling of entitlement, I began to realize (after hanging up the phone and cooling down) that he really doesn't feel like he has a right to our services...he is realizing that he has grown dependent on them, a feeling that is far more challenging for him to deal with than his anger over ground turkey. He called me again on Friday, in a much happier mood, just to touch base with me about some things we had been working on together, such as figuring out what his rights are as a tenant and a renter.
Sometimes I just need a little time to process my daily interactions with clients. The learning moments may not be clear at first, but become crystal clear later on as I dive more deeply into a situation. There are those times, though, when my clients let me know exactly how they feel. Like last week when an older client came in to my office seeking financial assistance with her incredibly high electric bill. I was stunned when I saw how much her bill was for, especially knowing that she lives by herself. Like Kelly who I talked about above, I met Patricia at the very beginning of my time here. A loyal shopper at Under One Roof's food pantry, I see her twice a month without fail. And when I don't see her, I begin to worry - like the time she didn't show up in November and I had to find out from someone else that her mother had passed on. During our appointment, she kind of chuckled at me and said "What can you possibly do to help with this?" unaware that I do a little more than run the food pantry each day. We sat for an hour discussing ways in which she can alter her daily habits in order to conserve electricity, and thus lower her bill. She was very receptive to my ideas and continued to throw in her own ideas during our conversation. Together, we came up with a plan. Before she left, she gave me a big hug and said, "You know I love you, right? As though you are my own daughter."
Then there was another woman named Patricia. I mentioned her around Thanksgiving time when she told me, "I feel like I've finally found my family here," in reference to me. She just celebrated her 44th birthday and was excited to take some time for herself to celebrate. She has two young daughters who she has really dedicated her life to, and she often doesn't have a chance to step away and focus on herself for a night. She came in to shop at the pantry and told me she needed to talk to me first. She was so excited to tell me about the dinner she was planning with her friends. As she was talking, I started to get the feeling that she was going to ask if I was willing to babysit her girls. She started telling me all the details of the dinner: where they were going, what time they had to get there, etc. She says how she's only inviting a few friends, and looks at me and says, "One of them is you." I was so flattered and so grateful to know that Patricia sees me as more than the girl she talks to when she goes to the food pantry.
Things have been crazy, I'm not going to lie. One day, work is super busy and the next, it's as slow as it can be. And each day is a rollercoaster of sorts - new things I've learned, new perspectives, new ideas, new emotions. The greatest part of it all, though, is realizing that some of my clients look at me as more than just the girl behind the desk. They see me as a friend.
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