"In true community we will not choose our companions, for our choices are so often limited by self-serving moments. Our companions will be given to us by grace. Often they will be persons who will upset our settled view of self and world." - Parker J. Palmer
As we all know, my life revolves around my relationships with other people. Connections are what have shaped my life. Working with others and learning from others is the foundation of who I am. With each passing day, I feel like the intentional community I am a part of in my house, my community with my co-workers, and my community with my clients grows stronger. I am finding my way more easily in each of these communities, and I have developed a much more defined sense of belonging amongst the people with whom I interact everyday. In two short months, I have learned more about myself, my personality, my strengths, my weaknesses, and my faith because I have been challenged to do so by living among new friends and working among new colleagues.
Life at work is beginning to feel much more natural. I no longer feel like I'm walking on eggshells as I try to figure out which things annoy which people or as I learn about the experiences of individual co-workers. I feel bonds forming as I become more and more comfortable amongst my colleagues. Take Ms. Jeanette for example. She is the kind of woman who jumps head first into any new relationship with a person, and that is exactly how she jumped into ours. I have felt a very strong connection with her since day one. She's like a mom, an aunt, and a grandma all at the same time. She confides in me, she lets me ask for help even when she's in the middle of something, and she speaks her mind. She inspires me each day with her unbelievable compassion and her ability to connect with clients through mutual respect and understanding. She inspires me to push harder, to give life my all, and to always thank God for what I have been blessed with. Then there's Charla, our Prevention for Positives counselor. She is 24 and absolutely awesome. We have deep conversations about going back to school and our hopes for the future. She reminds to me to push for what I believe in and to never give up on my dreams. And there's also Ms. Carolyn, our director of Faith Ministries. She is one of the most brilliant women I have ever met. She is so dedicated to her work and would give up everything for those she fights for each day. Someday I hope to be like her. It is finally starting to feel like I belong, like I am a vital part of the community that we refer to as our office family. After two months, it no longer feels like I am only here for a little while, but that I will be here for a year. It is wonderful to feel like a new home is being built brick by brick.
The pantry is starting to become more than just a place where my clients come to get the food they may not be able to afford. It is becoming a place for conversation, a place for getting to know one another, a place for learning new things about each other. Like when Mr. James came in so excited to tell me about the job he got at the State Fair that's keeping him busy. Or when Weaver told me about the beautiful love between his mother and father that he got to see each day of his life until a couple of years ago. Or when Patricia was excited to tell me that her two young daughters are doing so well in school, and that she is finally back on the medications that she needs to fight HIV in her body. The pantry is becoming a place for bonds to form, a function that I never thought possible for such a little space full of food could have. On Wednesday afternoon, before the pantry opened, I had the opportunity to sit down with some clients and watch a movie. Throughout the film, I felt so connected to each one of them. We laughed together, yelled at the characters together, and even fell in love with the story together. I felt like I was in unity with them, a truly blessed feeling. I am so grateful to be learning from each client, and to know that many of them respect me, trust me, and will confide in me if they need to. Like Rudy, for instance. He told me all about life after his wife left him a few months ago, expressing how hard it has been living on an income of one person instead of two joint incomes. He told me how he barely has money to buy food and how thankful he is that I am there to help him. My clients challenge me everyday; they push me to look at the world through different eyes, with a new perspective. I am blessed to have them and to be experiencing life with them.
And then there's the wonderful community that I come home to after work each day; the girls that offer support when I need it and their ears to listen as I share about my day. We had the chance this weekend to connect with each other on a different level through conversation. We sat down to discuss our joys, challenges, and hopes for each individual relationship in the community. At first, I was nervous not only to share my own thoughts but also to hear what everyone else had to say. The nerves, though, disappeared as soon as I sat down with Kate for the very first conversation. I have never found it so easy to share my thoughts and feelings with people whom I've only known for a short while. Nor have I ever realized how important it is to maintain healthy individual relationships in order for the community to prosper. It is really beautiful to watch us build our community together, as we challenge each other and support each other each day.
The quote that started this post could not be more true to my life right now. Even though I did not have the opportunity to choose my companions - those I live with, work with, and work for - I am truly blessed to know each one of them. Each person, whether a roommate or a client, pushes me to think more deeply and more fully. They shake my belief system, forcing me to examine it more closely. They most certainly have "upset my settled view of self and world." This is the beauty of my life right now; the true beauty of being forced to look within myself and to reexamine who I am and whom I wish to become.
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