Giving Thanks

I still cannot believe that Thanksgiving has already come and gone. Time is flying down here in Raleigh. It's almost time for me to be back home in East Hartford for a little vacation. I never thought I'd say I'm going to East Hartford, CT for a vacation haha. 


Like every year around this time, I stop and think about all of the things that I am thankful for - like my supportive family who has never done anything but encourage me to follow my dreams and give life my all; or my wonderful friends who are always there to listen, to laugh, and to share great moments with; or the fact that I grew up in a home where we did not have to struggle to pay the bills; or even the simple things like having a place to lay my head at night, food on the table for every meal, and a warm jacket to save me from the intruding cold. I am blessed to be able to live comfortably - mentally, physically, socially, and financially. With each client I meet, I recall how blessed I am to have had the opportunity to go to a prestigious four-year university and rarely have to worry about where the money was coming from. I am so blessed to have been able to live in Italy for 4 months. The list goes on and on. What I've realized though, is that many of the things that I am thankful for are those things which my clients do not have, things that the marginalized in our society do not have. I am thankful for things that separate me from the poor, as though I am saying, "Thank you, God, for not making me poor." In the past three months, now that I have come to recognize my privilege, I have been able to face humanity head on. Rather than only discussing the previous things listed above as the things I'm thankful for, I can truthfully say I am thankful for the things that connect me to the poor, most of which I have learned from the poor and those who have dedicated their lives to working with and for them. 


Compassion is defined as "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering." I never really understood what compassion is or why it is important to the fight for social justice. I have often felt deep compassion - when tutoring children who have grown up in poverty, when working with children who are infected with HIV, or when hearing the stories of all of the wonderful people I had the chance to work with in Nashville. However, it was not until meeting many of my colleagues and getting to know them that I have come to see how essential compassion is to our work. Ms. Carolyn, our Director of Faith Ministries is a prime example of this. She's been AAS-C longer than anyone, which intimidated me a little at first. But once I realized that she would be one of my biggest allies and one of the people I admire most at work, our relationship has really blossomed. One day, Ms. Carolyn got a phone call from one of her interns saying that he'd just left one of residential units where he'd gone to see a client. The other house members told him that the client was "gone," which he came to interpret as the client had passed on (in actuality...he had moved to another state). Ms. Carolyn cried and cried when she heard the initial news. It was the first time I'd ever seen her as vulnerable. She loves her clients and she lives to fight against injustice. She is such a selfless woman. She gives all of herself to our clients, not just because she feels called by God to serve others, but because she truly feels sorrow when she looks in the faces of those most impacted by social injustice. And she wants to do everything she can to see that suffering alleviated in some way. She is easily the most compassionate woman I have ever met...and I am truly thankful and blessed to know her and admire her. She has taught me what it really means to dedicate oneself to this fight.


Love has so many definitions and with each passing day I find a new way to look at love. Clients often tell me that they love me, out of gratitude. And I know that I always tell others that I love them. It is fascinating to me, though, what love means to the marginalized of society. I have come to notice that my view of love differs drastically from theirs. Patricia came in last Monday to pick up the turkey and large box of food I had called to offer her. She was the most gracious of my clients, stunned when I called her the Friday before to offer the food to her and her two young daughters. Patricia and I have a very interesting relationship. I did her intake in September, not long after she moved here with her two young daughters from Massachusetts in order to escape her husband. She has been struggling to feel like she's found home. Each time she comes in the food pantry, she always has new stories to tell about her daughters - to the point where I feel like I've met them - and always confides in me about her struggles. After we loaded all of the food into the car, she gave me a big hug to say thank you and kept telling me how this was such a blessing to her and her family. Then she grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and told me, "I feel like I've finally found my family here. Thank you." Tears came to my eyes, and continue to come to my eyes each time I recount this story, because, in that moment, I recognized what it means to love truly and unconditionally. Patricia loves me like I am family, though we've known each other for only three months and have probably only seen each other 7 or 8 times. Love is more that passion, more than caring. It is the most powerful feeling in the world, and my clients have taught me that it is not a word that is just tossed around freely. Love is true, unconditional, nonjudgmental.


Faith, as defined by Reba, is belief in something more than what you know. Not a day goes by where I do not have doubts about God's role in this world. I see my clients struggle to keep their apartments, feed their families, and maintain a steady job. It is hard to believe that God created misery in this world, but it is also hard to believe He is not doing anything to end the suffering. My faith is brought into question everyday. yet, I meet with clients and hear them talk about their own spirituality and how it is so important to them, how they believe to strongly in Jesus and in God's work in the world. It is amazing to see people who struggle each day constantly saying that this is not what God wants nor what he intends. So many clients are preachers or avid church-goers. It baffles my mind how strong their faiths are, yet pushes me to redefine my own. I am truly grateful for such inspiration and belief.


This Thanksgiving, as much as I missed being with my family and having the chance to remind them how thankful I am for them, I have come to realize that as much as I am thankful that I grew up the way I did, I am even more grateful to have one-on-one contact with the poor and marginalized (and to have had the contact throughout my life). Each moment proves to me that God is good and has blessed us with hands to reach out with, eyes to see reality through, ears to hear the cries of the voiceless, and a heart with which we can love - truly and unconditionally. It is the stuff that ties us all together that I am most thankful for this year because these are the things that help us fight for justice and peace.


Compassion. Love. Faith.