I have found my new home in the city of Washington, DC. The past three weeks have been nothing but surreal and entirely bittersweet. The transition from a city full of people I love, to my hometown (and a visit to see my dad and brother) full of the people who have shaped my life, to a new city that I have already fallen in love with has been nothing short of a whirlwind. When I first left Raleigh, I became frightened...was I making the right decision? Did God really want me to leave so many people who changed my life this year? The eight days I spent on retreat helped me to realize that leaving Raleigh is not the end of the story. I cannot separate this past year from the year to come. They are simply two chapters in the long book of my life...and I honestly believe I can build a beautiful bridge between them.
I spent much of my time at Blue Ridge reflecting on love and the role it played in my life this past year. I have really struggled most with leaving Raleigh because of the uncertainty that it creates. I have fallen in love with many folks this year - clients, co-workers, community members. It broke my heart to walk away...and my heart still hurts. But I read a passage in a book my new boss gave me that talks about love as a bridge. It states that the bridge carries us into a place of non-judgment, of compassion, of adoration. Love is the way. I believe that this is one of the greatest lessons I've learned from my time in Raleigh. Life cannot be lived fully without love - love for self, love for other, love for God. My clients taught me what it means to love. They confided in me. They trusted me. They sometimes looked beyond the young white girl, beyond the privilege, and saw me for me. They even took the time to learn about me. There is something so beautiful about love. When it is truly unconditional, it is beautiful. When you can just love regardless of knowing, joy breaks through. This is what I found peace in the struggles I saw each and every day. My clients have this amazing faith and a tendency to look beyond. They have deep love for the people in their lives and a sense of security among all that is insecure. They challenged me to love, no matter what. Their stories pushed me to be compassionate, to be contemplative, to move beyond my judgments and beyond the stereotypes. They called me to look beyond the labels. Regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender, socioeconomic status, substance abuse history, mental health illness, mistakes made...regardless of all the labels society has cast upon people, my clients challenged me to love them anyways. Their stories changed my life and helped me to break down the barriers within me. They gave me a transformed worldview. They helped me to see the truth, to examine the reality, and to question the system. It is for them that I will continue to fight for justice. It is for them that I will love all unconditionally. For it is because of them that I learned how to love.
And this is the mindset that I come to Joseph's House with...
As I prepare to begin my new job tomorrow, I will remember each of the people I have loved in my year in Raleigh. My dearest friends - thank you for bringing me to this point. It is because of you that God has shown me that Joseph's House is where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. It is because of you that I was able to say yes. I know this year will not be a simple one, but I feel so blessed to have this opportunity to learn more about love.
Here's to a new chapter...and finding love once more.
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