Turning Home

As my anticipation grows for my trip back to the greatest city in the world for a little visit, I've found myself focusing a lot on where I come from. There's this song I've been singing over and over in my head for months now: "Turning Home" by David Nail. In the song, he talks a lot about the challenges of living far from home but the beauty in remembering the wonderful things home has taught him. It's been making me think about all that I've learned from my two homes - East Hartford and NYC. All the people, all the experiences, all the challenges, all the joys...each has taught me something special and has helped shape the person I am today.

A few weeks ago, my dad sent me a random email that ended with the words "If you hadn't gone to Fordham, you never would have joined JVC. I wonder where you would be today if that was the case." I think back to those days in the East Hartford Public School System. I still remember my best friend in middle school, Berri's, stories of her growing up and how angry the injustices made me. I can easily recall speaking in front of the Board of Education to tell them not to cut out sports, music, or the honors program because it would only make our school system worse. There are those long talks I used to have with Mr. Apostalon about his students and their stories; about the students that slipped through the cracks. I vividly remember the day he locked me in his classroom by myself and told me I needed to write my Valedictory Address for graduation...and the tears that came down my face as I put my entire heart into that speech. I remember the passion in that speech - my need to take a stand, to let the Board of Ed know that they weren't helping us, but they were harming us. To let everyone know that there is no reason to fear East Hartford or its schools. To remind my classmates how lucky we were to grow up in a racially and economically diverse town, where we were exposed to all of life's struggles. I remember watching Mr. Apostalon tear up when he read it for the first time. I remember our principal telling me to change some of it so it wouldn't sound like an attack. I clearly remember Mr. Jordan asking me right before we processed out for graduation if I had changed it, and telling him he would just have to wait and see...Of course I did not. I remember the day I got deferred from Columbia and exactly three months later when I found out I didn't get accepted at all. I clearly remember the heartbreak...but looking back now, I couldn't be happier that I attend Fordham University. It was at Fordham that my passion for change and my passion for social justice really had a chance to flourish. Those Jesuits definitely got ahold of me and reminded me that we are all here to make the world a better place, not just for ourselves but for everyone. That has fueled my fire for the past few years, on top of those experiences back in East Hartford. Living in the Bronx for 4 years opened my eyes even more.

Then there were those two service projects in Nashville, TN that changed my life forever. I may seem nostalgic right now, but there's good reason for it. It has been just over a year since I was last in Nashville, the place where my passion for the fight against HIV/AIDS started, and the place where that passion was reinvigorated two years later. I joined JVC because of those experiences. I started working in HIV/AIDS because of those trips, because of my teammates on those trips, but mostly because of the amazing men and women I met while in Nashville. Life in JVC in not easy. Life in a full-time position working not only with people living with HIV, but with those who are poor and sometimes homeless, is not easy. Everyday I stop and remind myself why I do what I do. And I think back to all of you who have influenced my life. I think about my days in East Hartford and my days in the Bronx...and I remember all that has happened in my life. The hurt; the love; the joy; the hard times; the struggles; the people; the passion. I cannot stop this...I will not stop this.

Like my dad, I often wonder where I would be today if my life had been different...if my parents hadn't gotten divorced; if we had moved to South Windsor like my mom had wanted to for a while; if I didn't go to Fordham; if I was never introduced to the Jesuit tradition; if Dr. Naison didn't inspire me; if Dr. Lee didn't teach me about Liberation Theology; if my amazing friends on my Nashville teams didn't push me. There is something about home that always reminds me never to quit. It is home that keeps me going each day, no matter how hard, because it is home that taught me everything I know. Whether it's my home in East Hartford or my home in the Bronx...I would not be where I am today, I would not be the woman I am today, if I hadn't had those experiences. I do not know where life will take me. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. What I do know is I am blessed to have lived the life I have lived thus far and so very grateful for my amazing family, friends, professors, and mentors who have been along for the ride. God bless you all...and thank you. 

Usually take one last pass through town
Stop the car and touch the ground
Watch those streetlights swayin’ in the breeze
Decorated store fronts
Rusty old gas pumps
Try to fill my mind up
With somethin’ before I go
Picture postcard memories
You know they always make for good company

I don’t know no town
Like the old town
Even when the miles are many
I feel like I’m still around
Deep inside me
Like rings through an oak tree
Yeah, there something ‘bout a Sunday when I’m gone
That keeps me turning home

I’m standin’ here beneath these billboard lights
Takes me back to those autumn nights
Hometown bleachers packed real tight
As we marched down the field
My feet would swing from a dropped tailgate
Out on Airport Road real late
No one could walk a line too straight
We usually made it home alright
And glory days I cant re-live
Stories I’ll never forget

And I don’t know no friends
Like the old friends
I never seem to laugh now
Like I did with them
But deep inside me
A piece of history
Yeah, I hear their voices even though they’re gone
And it keeps me turning home

Never twice the same way does it start
And sure enough she stole my heart
On the old gym floor, spinnin’ round and round one night
And though we both tried hard to wait
We sure did love the taste
Of the sweet love being made and prayin’ I got it right
Graduation came and went
Along with all the time we spent

And I don’t know no love
Like the first love
When I think about the best times
She’s the one I think of
Deep inside me
All though the taste is bittersweet
I see her smilin’ even though she’s gone
And it keeps me turning home, yeah
And it keeps me turning home

"Turning Home" - David Nail